So, life has really sucked the past several months! I’ve had surgery, recovery time, lost time out of work and the big one…my relationship! When it rains it pours, but then things started to turn around.
I finally recovered from my medical issues and returned to work. My boss let’s me know I have received a gracious merit raise this year and she said some wonderful things about my job performance. I know I’ve worked harder these past two years than I have the 9 years I’ve been here. A lot more responsibility and deadlines to meet, which leads to stress. However, when you want to become something, struggled to work your way up the ladder, you can’t get scared when you get to the top and decide to climb back down. I have chosen to not let intimidation and insecurities to hold me back. I must push forward, keep going…
It sure would be a lot easier though, if I felt like I had a supportive team behind me that has my back if I start to slip. Granted, I know I need a little, maybe a lot note support than others, but it’s not like I’m going to quit without having them. I’m not all alone. I have a few people in my corner that are wiping my brow when I fall down on the stool in the corner of the ring, cheering me on saying “Get out there and fight! You can do this!” Sometimes that’s all you need, but other times, you need the people you think are the closest to you to notice. Maybe I’m to personable when it comes to sharing things, but when I meet people and that ask if I have kids or am I married, I say yes. Then, go to say one graduated from college, one joined the USMC and now is going to college to be an architect, and my husband is retired from service and went straight to the academy to become a State Trooper. I’m very proud of my children and my husband, their choices and accomplishments they have made in life. Me on the other hand, I’ve always put myself behind others, not wanting to stand out. I just wanted to work, raise my kids to have a successful start in life, and then, I really didn’t plan to much after that. I honestly wasn’t expecting to be on this Earth this long. God knows, I prayed for Him to take me so many times! Although, my relationship with God isn’t where it should be, I know He has been and will always be my Savior. He has been my friend when many have turned there back to me. He will listen, when no one else will.
Don’t it seem to always be where you’ve got to the top of the mountain only to look down to see a rushing current of a wide river still left to cross? I find myself feeling like I’m fighting a battle I can’t win. It’s hard to win a battle only you are fighting for and everyone else seems to be against you. Trying to make those around you see what you see or feel. It’s impossible, but with open communication and an open-mind, I believe there are people out there that can relate to us who struggle with a mental illness. It’s a matter of perception, effort and desire that person has in them to want to be there with you, in your world. Our world isn’t bad, it’s just different. Many might find they like to escape to our world, if they can ever feel the passion and have the courage it takes us everyday to be a productive part of society.
Free Your Mind - Become YOU! 